A New School Year Through the Eyes ofDonna; a Parent of Child with Autism

For many children the start of a new school year is filled with excitement – new stationery, new friends, new teachers and new opportunities. However, for a parent of a child with autism, a new year can bring something very different: fear, uncertainty, and an overwhelming sense of the unknown.

This is how 2026 has started for me as Jayden, aged 11, gets ready to begin Grade 5. On the surface it looks like an ordinary milestone, but beneath that surface lies a complex emotional landscape shaped by autism and a spectrum of challenges which deserves understanding, patience and compassion.

Grade 5 is not just “another year. ” It is a year of transition. The work becomes harder. Expectations increase. Independence is encouraged. Conversations about high school begin and social dynamics grow more complex. These changes can feel monumental for both the child and the family.

Change is Not Small

Children with autism often thrive on routine, predictability, and familiarity. A new teacher means learning a new communication style. New classmates mean navigating unfamiliar social rules. A new classroom can mean different lighting, noise levels, and sensory demands.

What may seem like minor adjustments to others can feel like a complete loss of control.

Jayden may ask questions repeatedly, not because he isn’t listening (as many may think), but because certainty feels safe. He worries about where he will sit, how lunchtime will work or whether the teacher will understand him. These concerns are real, valid and often invisible.

As a young child Jayden had a severe speech delay which many people, our family included, interpreted as him misunderstanding. However, like many children with autism, he understood every word but was unable to repeat the conversation or verbally express himself. More importantly, children with autism notice tone more than words. They can feel your emotion; be it tension, anger, stress or warmth which teaches them more than verbal instructions ever will an easily forgotten aspect in the hustle-and-bustle of everyday life.

The Pressure of “Growing Up”

By Grade 5 children are expected to be more independent, organised and socially aware. There is often less tolerance for behaviours that once received support in earlier years. Yet autism does not disappear as expectations increase. The school yard children also move from seeing the ‘different’ behaviour as ‘cute’ to ‘weird’ or ‘not normal’. For example, stimming is not weird, it’s a regulation. Hand-flapping, pacing, spinning, humming – all these behaviours help them stay calm.

By Grade 5 children with autism are often expected to adapt to cope, to push through, to keep up. This is where masking behaviour often begins or intensifies. Masking is when a person with autism consciously or unconsciously suppresses their natural behaviours to fit in. It might look like forcing eye contact, copying peers, hiding sensory discomfort or staying quiet rather than asking for help. This is because others expect them to act a certain way but it is important for others to remember that eye contact, smiling, or gestures are not the only ways to show connection.

Masking can help a child with autism “blend in,” but it comes at a cost. It is exhausting. It can lead to anxiety, emotional burnout and a loss of self-identity. This is why at the end of a school day Jayden comes homes and requires regulation time despite appearing to cope while at school (as otherwise he may fall apart at home where he finally feels safe).

Learning While Battling the Invisible

As academic demands increase children with autism are often fighting two battles at once: learning the content and managing the environment.

They may struggle with:

Processing instructions given verbally

Executive functioning (organisation, planning, time management)

Sensory overload from noise, movement, or lighting

Group work and unstructured social time

Anxiety around tests, deadlines, and change

It is important as a parent to remember that progress for one child is not always obvious or the same as for others. Sometimes progress is measured in small steps (which is nevertheless a huge win).

It is also important to remember that sometimes the perception that Jayden is giving our family or school a hard time is incorrect. It is that he is having a hard time. Meltdowns, crying, shutting down is not disobedience; it is him feeling overwhelmed or his nervous system not coping and should not be viewed

as simply ‘bad behaviour’ . When a person’s challenges are misunderstood a child with autism may be mislabelled as distracted, unmotivated or difficult. They are simply overwhelmed.

None of these behaviours reflect his intelligence or potential. Autism is not a lack of ability – it is simply a different way of experiencing the world.

The Shadow of High School

For a child starting Grade 5 high school can feel uncomfortably close. For a child with autism (and our family), this looming transition can amplify anxiety.

High school often means:

Multiple teachers

Larger environments

Increased social complexity

Less individual support

Higher academic pressure

What Autism Awareness Really Means

Autism awareness is not just about recognising autism exists. It is about:

1.Understanding how it feels. It’s about recognising that it is a different language which may not be instinctive to everyone. It requires learning and comprehension. Remember that a person with autism may show love and appreciation in different ways:

Gestures – they offer a hand, bring you an object or gently lean in (their body sometimes speaks more than words)

Parallel Play – they may play besides someone but not necessarily with that person this is a sign of comfort which others may misinterpret as not wanting to play ‘with’ that person

2.Recognising that:

Behaviour is communication

Struggles are often invisible

“Coping” does not mean “thriving”

Support should adapt to the child – not the other way around

Teachers need to time the time to learn how a child communicates (as there is a spectrum of different ways to communicate)

Classmates are taught kindness and inclusion for all not just the ‘norm’

Schools should value flexibility over conformity

Predictable routines and clear expectations. Routine is not controlling, it’s comfort. Routine brings safety as they know what comes next

Offer reassurance and patience during transitions

Value strengths and small milestones as much as challenges

Reducing pressure to mask

Learning from different experiences

Most importantly, it means allowing children with autism (or any need) to be themselves – not the version that feels safest for others.

A Message of Hope

For my son, Jayden, Grade 5 may carry fears many of us will never see. He also carries strengths, creativity, honesty, and resilience.

With understanding, acceptance and the right support, Jayden (and many other children) does more than cope – he grows, contributes, and flourishes in ways that enrich us all. As Jayden’s mum, I feel he has taught me so much about language, slowing down and understanding.

A new school year does not have to be something to survive. With awareness and compassion it can become a place where children with autism feel safe to learn, to grow and to be exactly who they are.

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